I haven’t posted anything the last couple of days. Not here, that is.
Frankly, and I know it’s a lame complaint, but there are not enough hours in the day. Not enough hours to work a full-time job around my physical infirmities, which require me to take long breaks and extends my work days, plus get some reading time in, plus get some research time in, plus do some self-soothing and just general down time, plus write something that isn’t just pointless but actually says something and is well thought out, rather than stream-of-consciousness just to throw words on a page.
I know I am not alone in sometimes feeling that I somehow missed something. I failed to learn some essential lesson about how to live life so that I was successful. I see these accomplished people and I wonder how they get it all done. It seems like if I try to allot just an hour a day to each of several interests, I have no time for it all. I can’t spend an hour per day drawing, and an hour per day writing, and an hour per day eating, and a half-hour per day showering and changing clothes, and an hour per day exercising, and 10 hours per day average working at my job, and a half-hour per day working on building flying models and an hour per day reading, and 8 hours per day sleeping, and … well… That right there is more than 24 hours total. And there is no housework included in that. For three meals, I have allotted only 10 minutes prep and 10 minutes to wolf it down for each meal. It seems like anything I choose, takes away from something else.
And now, it is time for me to get logged into work for the night. I will work 4 two-hour blocks of time, with an hour off between them, so that I will finish at 11:00 tomorrow morning. I’ve tried repeatedly to do something with those hour-long breaks, but I’ve never been able to figure out how to switch from working to, say, writing for that hour. It seems that by the time I’ve convinced myself that I’m not working but writing, and try to get into the writing, then it’s time already to log back into work. And part of the reason that I take those long breaks is because my back, neck and shoulders hurt after too long at the keyboard. That is part of my physical disability that makes it so hard for me to do anything else in the way of a job, and it defeats the purpose of taking the break if I have to stay sitting here at the keyboard, still with my hands raised to it, pounding on the keys. I actually need to find something else to do on those breaks. Sometimes I nap. Sometimes I nap and oversleep. Then I have to work later.
Bah. It really is time to get logged into work and stop complaining right now. I’ll think more on this later. I think about it a lot. I just don’t come up with the answers.